Former Shanghai Shenhua coach ‘Charlie’ Anthony Philip David Terry Frank Donald Stanley Gerry Gordon Stephen James Oatway is named after the 1973 QPR squad. Brazilian centre forward Creedence Clearwater Couto used to prefer that people use his nickname Paulista. French goalkeeper Steve Mandanda has a brother called Parfait Mandanda, meaning their parents named one child Perfect and the other one Steve. Rod Fanni. Brian Pinas.
There are many footballers with awkward names and on Sunday night Gerard Piqué Bernabeu (yes, that is his full name and yes, presumably Shakira is Mrs Piqué Bernabeu – her hips don’t lie but her autograph does) had an evening to forget. Playing centre half for the thinking man’s Ipswich Town / Barcelona hybrid team, the Tractorlona superstars of CSKA Tulse Hill, Gerard and his chums were dumped out of the cup 2-1 by cross-town rivals Tulse Hill Superior to add to a season that will likely end in relegation from Division One and keep the Superior on track for the double.
Elsewhere, Opulent Knack monstered Farsley Celtic 5-1, although FAC will surely be happy with the progress they’re making in their first season. In true Nicholas Cage style the game between Hackbridge and Clapton Crusaders was settled
by everyone swapping faces in less than 60 seconds with a goal in Clapton’s favour, and Arsene’s Special Schemers pumped Ferly’s Burlys 3-0 which in hindsight was a bit harsh given their manager forgot to turn up.
All this means that this weekend in the POWF Plate semi-finals; Tulse Hill Superior will face Arsene’s Special Schemers who are on the longest ever cup run (they have won at least one game) whilst L_Messi of the Clapton Crusaders will come up against the ageing stat machine of Opulent Knack. Will we get an El Cunto Derby in the final?
But before that we have the significant matter of the climax of the league season. Tulse Hill Superior have already won Division One, but can they do it unbeaten? Will they become the Invincibles-If-Hadn’t-Lost-In-The-Champions-League? Hackbridge Harriers stand in their way this Wednesday, and Hackbridge had better get something because THS have got CSKA Tulse Hill in the final game of the season.
Below THS it couldn’t be tighter (it literally could) as five teams are split by two points. Three of Clapton Crusaders, Opulent Knack, Dulwich Isolation Crew, Merstham Magic and Floresta United Kickers will join THS in the top 4 and in the Champions League spots. Two of those teams are playing each other on Wednesday, with the winner of Merstham Magic vs Dulwich Isolation Crew putting one foot in next season’s Champions League.
Down at the bottom, Clapped Out and CSKA Tulse Hill are both within one point of Archway Athletic. Two of the three will go down automatically, although Clapped Out face the aforementioned ageing stat machine of the Knack whilst Archway will have to figure out how to keep Big Bad Luke Lee ‘Luke’ Chapman quiet. Luckily CSKA only have to deal with Clapton’s L_Messi.
Galacticos are in the driving seat for promotion straight back to Division One, fast earning the mantle of this game’s Norwich City (sorry, I’m so sorry). They’re in the automatic promotions places and three points and a healthy goal difference clear of third place, which is the first play off spot, with two games to play. Aguerissimo are two points clear themselves but all it takes is one slip up and Farsley Celtic will be in. The Galacticos vs Farsley game this Wednesday night will be HUGE.
In mid-table, Arsene’s Special Schemers, Victorious Secrets and Kay FC will be playing/shivering/competitive eating for the last Champions League spot in 4th place, as well as the favourable play off draw that comes with league placing. All three teams are on 10 points and take up the remaining play-off spots in 4th to 6th.
There’s a high chance that we’re going to see one of these teams drop out of the play offs. The teams just outside the play offs in positions 7-9 are all tied on 7 points. With Border Wanderers playing Kay FC and CA Buenos Aires playing Arsene’s Special Schemers on Wednesday night it’s crunch time. Strap in!
Transfer Deadline Day
Don’t forget it’s the Transfer Deadline Day on Wednesday, Banter Lords!
The selling club receives an additional 50% of the transfer fee for all deals processed before midnight GMT, so flog anyone you don’t want or put in a speculative bid for someone you do want because the other club just might sell them.