Transfer Deadline Day came and went, but what did we see?
We saw dynasties formed; empires crumble. We saw speculatists pounce and schemers advance. We saw risks, opportunities and gambles. We saw generation-defining statements of intent and vast sums of money moving between power-brokers. We saw someone spend £475,000,000 on Yohan Cabaye.
Were they drunk? Let’s investigate.
The world is my expense
On Transfer Deadline Day (TDD) the selling club receives an additional 50% of any fee they recoup in a deal. If you sell someone for £50m then the buyer pays £50m but you receive £75m. Nice.
TDD this season witnessed 36 deals. A casual £3,895,340,000 changed hands, meaning £1,947,670,000 of additional money relaxed it’s way into the game. So far, so normal.
Here’s the breakdown of deals, with each player out earning a cash bonus for their club:
| Club | Players out | Players in |
| Aguerissimo FC | 0 | 0 |
| Archway Athletic | 2 | 0 |
| Arsene’s Special Schemers | 3 | 4 |
| Border Wanderers | 0 | 0 |
| Bracknell Town | 1 | 8 |
| Boca Tulse Hill | 0 | 0 |
| CA Buenos Aires | 1 | 0 |
| Clapped Out FC | 0 | 1 |
| Clapton Crusader | 1 | 0 |
| Dulwich Isolation Club | 0 | 0 |
| Farsley Celtic | 0 | 0 |
| Ferly’s Burlys | 2 | 3 |
| Floresta United Kickers | 2 | 0 |
| Galacticos FC | 0 | 0 |
| Hackbridge Harriers | 0 | 0 |
| Kay FC | 0 | 1 |
| Merstham Magic | 1 | 2 |
| Opulent Knack | 0 | 1 |
| Sarsfield Spartans | 0 | 0 |
| Tulse Hull Inferior | 6 | 3 |
| Tokyo Titans | 3 | 5 |
| Totteridge Titans | 5 | 5 |
| Victorious Secrets | 0 | 0 |
| Villa Park | 0 | 1 |
| Verulam Romans | 9 | 2 |
I’ll let you decide where the majority of that £1.9bn ended up.
The cost of my desire
The most active team on TDD was Verulam Romans, who sacked their surgeon and picked up the scalpel to get cracking on themselves and completely change the look of their squad and starting eleven.
I appreciate that’s a bit of a weird metaphor.
Most notably, out went:
M_Gabbiadini 18 eng C 5 6 8 24 74 29 300 324 468 492 8 0 0 6 64 13 0 4 0 0 100 21/03/22 vro ths £400,000,000
Y_Cabaye 22 fra LC 4 10 27 10 65 32 300 772 365 884 9 0 1 30 7 0 1 4 0 0 100 21/03/22 vro tit £475,000,000
Tokyo Titans have definitely won something this season, having broken the world transfer record to acquire Yohan. The fact they had to pay that to land a player who was bought for £270m at the start of the season shows the rampant price inflation we’ve seen over the last few weeks.
If someone quotes you a number, double it.
Gabbiadini entered the game this season 22 rated, although the Romans have chosen cash over goals and all eyes will be on them to see how much they have to pay to reinvest it.
Tulse Hill Superior also took the decision to stockpile for the future financially and… playerly(?), by flogging some of their best players and dropping £400m that cash on the young Gabbiadini and another £400m on Hakuho_Sho from Tokyo.
Hakuho_Sho 19 mon C 4 10 23 10 69 22 300 516 854 480 8 0 4 14 3 1 2 0 0 0 100 21/03/22 tit ths £400,000,000
Jesus blessed me with it’s future
The noughties saw the era of the Galaticos at Real Madrid by buying one or two superstars per season. Are Tulse Hill Superior ushering us into the era of the Bambinos by buying only promising youngsters each season?
When will this youth bubble end? Will this youth bubble end? The prices will no doubt level out when we realise how much better the promising youngsters are than the developed players, but surely there’s now value in buying up the undervalued developed players who are actually, demonstrably, good? Who wants to win the title this year, not in five years time?
Elsewhere, Totteridge Tigers shuffled their pack with five out and five in.
The biggest outgoing was, you guessed it, promising youngster P_Aneer to Merstham Magic. For that money, in came promising youngster A_Hakimi, promising youngster J_Gelhardt and – checks notes – wizened, jaded, experienced 26 year old hardened veteran H_Nakata.
P_Aneer 22 ind LC 5 7 12 23 76 37 300 668 340 652 9 0 0 8 34 4 0 4 0 0 100 21/03/22 tot mma £250,000,000
J_Gelhardt 20 eng RLC 5 8 13 21 60 33 300 432 312 409 8 0 0 10 13 2 1 4 0 0 100 21/03/22 fuk tot £75,000,000
H_Nakata 26 jap LC 4 9 22 15 68 33 300 280 564 924 1 0 0 6 9 1 2 4 0 0 100 21/03/22 vro tot £100,000,000
And I protected it with fire
Will we see another transfer window like this one? Check out all the moves from the 21st March on the Transfer History page.
Probably not as there may be some changes for next season, but it was definitely a fun, wild ride. Next year will a huge season with some big teams building the future – should you do a deal now to nick in there and grab a title before they mature?
Bring on the transfers!
