Season eight blind auction review

We came, we saw, we splurged.

On Monday night £697,500,000 was surgically removed from five team’s accounts and placed in the great big piggy bank in the sky. In exchange, we now have the following players joining the game:

Name         Age Nat Prs St Tk Ps Sh Sm Ag KAb TAb PAb SAb  DATE      FROM TO   FEE 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
F_Antonioli   28 ita  RC 21  4  4  4 83 33 300 300 300 300  14/03/22  auc  tot  £10,000,000
W_Samuel      27 arg  RC  3 25 11  4 65 41 300 100 300 300  14/03/22  auc  fuk  £156,000,000
Cafu          24 bra   R  3 21 16  7 69 22 300 500 300 300  14/03/22  auc  tot  £65,000,000
V_Candela     29 fra  LC  3 20 13  5 72 23 300 400 700 300  14/03/22  auc  vro  £7,000,000
H_Nakata      26 jap  LC  4  9 22 15 68 33 300 300 300 800  14/03/22  auc  vro  £59,000,000
Emerson       27 bra   C  3 13 20  8 75 31 300 600 300 300  14/03/22  auc  vro  £12,000,000
D_DeRossi     15 ita   C  3 16 18  4 71 48 300 300 700 300  14/03/22  auc  ths  £250,500,000
F_Totti       20 ita   C  2  5 10 22 63 33 300 300 300 700  14/03/22  auc  clc  £138,000,000
V_Montella    26 ita  LC  3  3  8 19 65 22 300 300 300 100  14/03/22  auc  :(   £0

Zero bids were registered for V_Montella meaning he won’t be entering the game. No offence Vincenzo, it’s not you it’s us.

So, what does that mean for the teams?

Clapton Crusaders now have an absolutely terrifying attack. Lionel Messi, Thierry Henry and Francesco Totti as a front three can tear up any opposition in the game. The issue for Clapton is they need to pack the midfield so they can get the ball to them, but can they afford to sacrifice defenders to achieve this?

Verulam Romans probably made the best value deal of the auction. At only £7m, professional mirror smasher Vincent Candela strengthened a key area of their squad and is now their second best defender. Emerson is a worthy midfield deputy and Hidetoshi Nakata gives something extra going forwards, three good additions to their squad.

All will be available for £100m each tomorrow.

Totteridge Tigers decided to buy yet another backup keeper, presumably because he was there and they can, and yet another backup right back, presumably because he etc and they etc. It’s all about options!

The best defender in the game now players for Floresta United Kickers. The best striker in the game currently players for Floresta United Kickers. FUK have had an awkward season yet given they can now boast the game’s best defender AND striker the race is on to avoid relegation with three games to go.

Finally, as expected, the big money went on the youth. £250,500,000 to be exact. Bosh. The artist formerly known as Daniele De Rossi now plays for Tulse Hill Superior. No one else got close with their bid. Some of his signing on fee was taken straight down Harley Street as after expensive personality reassignment surgery Daniele is now N_Kante.

Why are youths so incredibly highly valued at the moment? Are we in the middle of our own dot com bubble, where the values of youths will plummet after the first youths have peaked, as managers realise they’ll become only slightly better than the existing players? Will the owners of youth players be left unable to sell for the price they’ve bought when the values have crashed? As the owner of approx. 95 youth team players I should probably shut up.

Either way, Tulse Hill Superior just dropped a quarter of a billion on Daniele De Rossi. So deal with that fact.

Mike

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