We came, we saw, we splurged.
On Monday night £697,500,000 was surgically removed from five team’s accounts and placed in the great big piggy bank in the sky. In exchange, we now have the following players joining the game:
Name Age Nat Prs St Tk Ps Sh Sm Ag KAb TAb PAb SAb DATE FROM TO FEE
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
F_Antonioli 28 ita RC 21 4 4 4 83 33 300 300 300 300 14/03/22 auc tot £10,000,000
W_Samuel 27 arg RC 3 25 11 4 65 41 300 100 300 300 14/03/22 auc fuk £156,000,000
Cafu 24 bra R 3 21 16 7 69 22 300 500 300 300 14/03/22 auc tot £65,000,000
V_Candela 29 fra LC 3 20 13 5 72 23 300 400 700 300 14/03/22 auc vro £7,000,000
H_Nakata 26 jap LC 4 9 22 15 68 33 300 300 300 800 14/03/22 auc vro £59,000,000
Emerson 27 bra C 3 13 20 8 75 31 300 600 300 300 14/03/22 auc vro £12,000,000
D_DeRossi 15 ita C 3 16 18 4 71 48 300 300 700 300 14/03/22 auc ths £250,500,000
F_Totti 20 ita C 2 5 10 22 63 33 300 300 300 700 14/03/22 auc clc £138,000,000
V_Montella 26 ita LC 3 3 8 19 65 22 300 300 300 100 14/03/22 auc :( £0
Zero bids were registered for V_Montella meaning he won’t be entering the game. No offence Vincenzo, it’s not you it’s us.
So, what does that mean for the teams?
Clapton Crusaders now have an absolutely terrifying attack. Lionel Messi, Thierry Henry and Francesco Totti as a front three can tear up any opposition in the game. The issue for Clapton is they need to pack the midfield so they can get the ball to them, but can they afford to sacrifice defenders to achieve this?
Verulam Romans probably made the best value deal of the auction. At only £7m, professional mirror smasher Vincent Candela strengthened a key area of their squad and is now their second best defender. Emerson is a worthy midfield deputy and Hidetoshi Nakata gives something extra going forwards, three good additions to their squad.
All will be available for £100m each tomorrow.
Totteridge Tigers decided to buy yet another backup keeper, presumably because he was there and they can, and yet another backup right back, presumably because he etc and they etc. It’s all about options!
The best defender in the game now players for Floresta United Kickers. The best striker in the game currently players for Floresta United Kickers. FUK have had an awkward season yet given they can now boast the game’s best defender AND striker the race is on to avoid relegation with three games to go.
Finally, as expected, the big money went on the youth. £250,500,000 to be exact. Bosh. The artist formerly known as Daniele De Rossi now plays for Tulse Hill Superior. No one else got close with their bid. Some of his signing on fee was taken straight down Harley Street as after expensive personality reassignment surgery Daniele is now N_Kante.
Why are youths so incredibly highly valued at the moment? Are we in the middle of our own dot com bubble, where the values of youths will plummet after the first youths have peaked, as managers realise they’ll become only slightly better than the existing players? Will the owners of youth players be left unable to sell for the price they’ve bought when the values have crashed? As the owner of approx. 95 youth team players I should probably shut up.
Either way, Tulse Hill Superior just dropped a quarter of a billion on Daniele De Rossi. So deal with that fact.
