Ivor’s Army have begun their search for a new manager and are seeking applications!

How many tabloid cliches can I unceremoniously crowbar into one post? Let’s find out. Hold the front page!

Too long; didn’t read

If you wish to change clubs and apply for any of the vacancies on the game…

  • IVO Div 1
  • HAH Div 2
  • FIN Div 2

Please message me (Mike, hi) before 8pm today. It’s first come first served!

Dearly departed

Breaking news! There was no formal announcement/I can’t remember if there was a formal announcement, however after three fantastic seasons of service, Yulong will be stepping down as a Commissioner and enjoying the game as a Manager. Having dedicated hours to the game, we all owe Yulong a huge deal of gratitude and look forward to the results of his squad overhaul.

League size

We can exclusively (not exclusively) reveal that with last season’s managerless play-off teams (IVO and FIN) removed from the play offs, both were effectively consigned to Division Two. With IVO a Division One team last season, and both teams remaining, it could have meant we had one league of ten and another of eight.

The fairest way I can see to solve this and rebalance the leagues is to keep managerless Ivor’s Army in Division One and give all existing managers the chance to apply for the managerial vacancy, just as they would in real life. If no existing manager wants to leave their beloved current club a new manager will be found. Everyone has the chance though.

In the future, should a manager leave a club, that club will continue to fulfil their fixtures while a new manager is found. Existing managers will have the chance to apply for the vacancy before opening up to new managers. Otherwise as a small American child on a bicycle flings a newspaper over a white picket fence to land on the doorstep moments after someone opens their front door to take in the morning air we could have a similar unbalanced situation to this year, if two managers from one Division leave and none from the other.

By keeping IVO in Div 1 and recruiting managers for the managerless clubs we’ll return to last season’s size with two leagues of nine, and the game won’t shrink. Let’s rebuild back up to nine and return to last season’s size then the transfer window will slam shut on new managers. 

Let’s also keep team names the same so we can track each club’s progress (except those not named after a place, they can be renamed by a new manager, I suspect the new Ivor’s Army manager won’t want to run a team named after someone else’s son). We want to keep the team names constant where possible like in real life; you don’t turn up for work at Aston Villa and declare it’s called Inter Yournan.


For next season; sources close to the Commissioner say that there will be an extra – Extra! Extra! – automatic promotion spot for Div 2 so three go up and two go down. This will bring us up to ten in Div 1 next season and I’ll recruit two managers for Div 2, so we get to 10 per league by season seven. Importantly, we know what we’re playing for at the start of the season.

(It may be that we grow in future seasons. The dream is to have transfers flying around in all directions and a whole world of derbies, chat and narrative. Three divisions could be great for the game but a whole world of pain if only one person is running it. But baby steps, let’s get to ten managers per league first.)


Nine per league (a nine in a league romp??) isn’t ideal for the amount of games. Playing each other twice is 16 games, which was proven too many last season. Playing each other once is eight, maybe not enough. I think 9-10 games is the best amount. We may play each other once and finish the season in the same style as Scotland, playing nearby teams an additional time (credit to celebrity love rat Bob for the idea). In truth I haven’t looked at the fixtures yet.

Apply now!

So – graphic of a spinning newspaper stopping to show the headline – if you wish to apply for any of the managerial vacancies in the game, please do so now!

I will be accepting all applications and the new managers will be chosen based on a rigorous vetting and interview process (/the first person to apply gets it!).

The deadline for applying is 8pm tonight, Wednesday 28th July. 

Good luck!

Long range lens photo of a minor celebrity walking to the shops to buy some milk. 


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