Season 6 close season transfer update

There have been transfers. 

And now, there is an update. 

League new boys Farsley Celtic have wasted absolutely no time in flexing their fiscal muscle by walloping £60m on the table in front of CSKA Tulse Hill and demanding I_Wright, H_Maguire and answers.

The careers of six Farsley players were also placed in doubt after they were dispatched into God’s Recycling Bin in exchange for the best part of £20m. This sum was in turn sent 197 miles down the M1 from the outskirts of Leeds to North London in numerous stuffed brown envelopes in return for the safe release of draft pick T_Lemar from Archway Athletic, with Archway now desperate to spend the cash before it’s seized under the Proceeds of Organised Crime Act. 

Not content with liberating Lemar from afar, the Celtic have also agreed a revolutionary structured finance deal with Arsene’s Special Schemers, so uniquely structured that it involves absolutely no finance. The Schemers sent three players packing towards Farsley in exchange for one Robert Lewandowski. Odds for next season’s Golden Boot?

Finally, CSKA Tulse Hill have been hurriedly slapping dark red paint on every second seat in Portman Road after they decided that they are Mes Que Un Club. They have taken the hot cash they received from Farsley Celtic, added it to their own cash pile and bantered £245m up the wall on six Catalan youth prospects. Rumours that the CSKA Tulse Hill manager realised that he needed a complete club reinvention and that he’d run out of decent Ipswich players after he found himself hiring J_Dozzell last season were airily dismissed, as he helped himself to some delicious tapas and strong socialist views whilst he sat outside a cafe bar on Las Ramblas. Will this experiment to hire youth prospects who have woeful main stats but useful secondary stats massively backfire?

Yes, probably.


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